The beauty underneath it all

Note: This post was drafted for last Sunday. Our beautiful baby had other ideas for his Mama, lots of kisses, cuddles and not wanting her out of his sight.

Cicadas can be heard outside. They’re loud. The noise represents summer. There is no breeze. It is still. We close the curtains in our bedroom and I feel like I’m cocooning us in. I turn the air conditioner on. Instantly I am cooling down. I look around our bedroom surrounded by photos of our children, trinkets on my dressing table and books where there is a space. Our bed is in the centre of our room under the window. We have no door. Off our room branches three bedrooms that sleep our three kidlets. To my left is Mr. Kypo’s studio. There is one large Mac computer that my eye instantly gravitates to and guitars in stands along with Mr.Kypo’s organised mess. This is where I spent the majority of Sunday. Mr. Kypo decided to import all our home movies to his computer. I could feed our baby and watch each one as they are imported.

 Wow, tears fell as I watched us become a family of three, expanded to a family of four and a family of five.

 I didn’t know how much I needed to watch these. Of late, I have felt extremely guilty for they way my words are expressed to my loved ones. I’m not speaking viscous words; my crankiness is making the words I speak sound viscous. I am snappy. Sleep deprivation is a killer. Bad mama syndrome kicks in here from time to time.

 Watching these homes movies validated I am a great mother. It was as though I had a private screening of my life since our miracles were born. I was in the front row with love, pride and admiration of our family. Mr. Kypo and I are doing a marvelous job.  {Why is it that we remember the bad and not always the good? That is changing in 2013. See my word ‘cleanse’ has surfaced. Note to self: keep cleansing the mind}.

 Our children then and now are smiling. Their happiness is contagious. I’m realizing the guilt slowly. The lid is off and it will start pouring out. We all have bad days, we go through bad times, but my little clan is understanding, compassionate and there. We’re there.

 I have decided when it arises that I am having a bad day; I’m going to watch a home movie. It will squash the negative emotion down and bring me back to the present.

 P.s I didn’t realize just how many hairstyles I have had. Nostalgia has kicked back in, time for a change, I think dying my hair brown will make a come back.

 Since this post was drafted, I said goodbye to blonde and hello brunette.