My heart shattered

Yesterday my heart shattered into a million little pieces.
When I become a mama I didn’t know how much I’d love deeper or know when you hurt it shatters. Pieces of you ache. I mean really ache. That is how it is for me.

Noah loves football. He is a walking encyclopedia about football. He practices every afternoon and one day he is going to play for his favourite team he tells us.

Yesterday was Noah’s football presentation. The day they all get recognized for their efforts and being part of a team.

We were all very excited for him. Mr. Kypo’s Dad and my beautiful niece flew in for the weekend and it made the day extra special.

Noah went and sat at the front with his team while we sat with all the other parents waiting to hear their child’s name called out.

That’s exactly what we did. We waited and waited and waited. Noah sat there and waited and waited. He waited while members of his team misbehaved or ran off. He waited while all the other teams were called up.

Mr. Kypo and I made the eye contact with the knowing that both our hearts were breaking for the same reason. He was waiting to here his name and it wasn’t coming.

I walked over to Noah and asked him to come to me. He refused. He wanted to wait. When it became totally unbearable to watch him siting there I walked over and guided him to us. His shoulders were hunched; his big brown eyes oozed sadness and confusion. I looked over at another mama in our team. Her eyes reflected what we were feeling and her son looked just as sad and confused as ours. I couldn’t hold back the tears. I wondered if the entire mama’s feel the same way as me from our team?

I quickly composed myself and we told Noah how enormously proud we are of him. He is incredible.

I knew he was being brave and that was hard in it self.

As we all walked to the car giving him praise and encouragement we explained there must have been a mistake he looked into my eyes holding back his tears with no words.

I bent down to him and told him it was ok to cry and it was ok to be sad. His arms wrapped around my neck tightly and I held him while his tears fell. He told me he was disappointed that the children who received acknowledgment were the coach and managers sons and he felt it wasn’t fair as he named other boys in his side who had worked hard and should have been acknowledged. With his insight into that I couldn’t hold back my tears. I cried tears because he hurt and tears of pride that he was thinking of others.  ’I love you’ I kept telling him.

When we got home I found what ever scrap pieces of craft we had and without him knowing I made him a medal. I presented it to him while we were all sitting in our lounge room. He beamed. He was excited. He was appreciative.

Some may say this is good character building and they maybe right? Others may say that they can’t be acknowledged or expect to always receive. I say they are eight and there is half a team who would be feeling the same way as Noah and I think they deserve acknowledgement.